When You’re Bone Tired: A Prayer for the Overwhelmed Heart

Sometimes there are just no words.

Like today. I’m bone tired. My body hurts. My emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion from the last few weeks is threatening to overtake me. A woman on my team at work is enduring a horrible family tragedy. I received news that not one, but two, close friends got doctor reports of cancer. It’s been a crazy month end/quarter end at work. Then my daughter has daily volleyball practices or games to add into the mix. I’ve been sick for the past week. And don’t even get me started on the state of our world and the nightly news.

It’s all so heavy. And I know it’s not just me, I see it on so many of my loved ones' faces. I sense the heavy weights they are carrying too, and the worry and stress they have.

I’ve spent the last week studying Ephesians 3, and I was tempted to skip this post. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have the strength to write, plus I’ve been sick all week and am just starting to recover. But God knew we would all need Paul's prayer today.

This isn't a prayer from a place of strength; it's a prayer for strength.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father... that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend... the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory... forever and ever. Amen.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭14-21‬ ‭ESV‬‬‬‬

This is our hope. We don’t have to muster our own strength. We cannot. But He can.

Heart Home Renovations

Paul was praying for the believers to have the power to welcome Jesus fully into their hearts. Even after we are saved, it’s an ongoing process for Christ to make Himself at home in the center of our affections and decisions.

The power of the Holy Spirit isn't just for a one-time save; it's for an everyday transformation.

I love this visual from Richard Coekin’s commentary, Ephesians for You. He explains that when the Spirit of Christ moves in, He doesn't just visit; He renovates.

“Room by room, the horrible old wallpapers of selfishness are replaced with brand new wallpaper called love; the old ceilings darkened by fear of death are repainted with bright colors of hope... filthy old carpets stained by years of immorality are replaced with clean new carpets of purity... and the rickety old furniture of idolatry is gradually replaced with the sparkling new ministries that worship Jesus...

He will gently and gradually but radically be transforming our interiors—because he loves us.”

This is the "Grace > Performance" lens. We think we have to fix up the "rooms" of our hearts before God will move in. We try to scrub the floors and hide the junk. But God's grace works the other way. He moves in first, and then, because He loves us, He starts the renovation.

He does all the doing. It’s not up to our natural gifts or physical strength. His grace and His power are available to us, but we have to do one thing that is so hard: we have to die to self, lay down our pride, and admit we can’t do it alone. We have to pray and ask for His help.

Bold & Confident

What is the result of this internal renovation? What happens when we let His power work in us?

“...in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Because of His Grace and His Power >>> Boldness + Confidence.

I’ve always wanted to be bold and confident, but it somehow escaped me. Because of my fear of man and rejection, I would shrink back, remain small, and hide. I thought if I could just look like I had it all together on the outside, somehow by osmosis I would feel it on the inside.

That didn't work.

Then God called me to do something really hard: give up my external fake masks. I traded in my long, straight, blonde hair for my naturally short, curly, brown hair. I removed my breast implants. I had put so much confidence and value in my appearance, but looking back, it never delivered the confidence it promised. It was all fake, and being fake never fulfills. What areas do you try to fake it in that aren’t fulfilling you?

Then I went to see Inside Out 2 with my girls, and it all started to make sense. I could so relate to Riley, trying to be like everyone else as Anxiety took over the control panel in my mind. At one point, Joy has to use dynamite to blow up a mountain of bad memories to get back to headquarters and save Riley from Anxiety. I think so many of us daily need the Joy of the Lord to save us from the Anxiety this world throws at us.

I realized my explant surgery was my dynamite. It blew everything up, forcing me to deal with all the old beliefs I had buried. But in the rubble, my true identity in Christ—the boldness and confidence that had been there all along—was finally uncovered. Often, the biggest breakdowns in life lead to our biggest breakthroughs!

It was always inside, and He was always the source, not me. And now, by His grace, it can finally come out too! This same boldness and confidence is available to you today in Christ. You now have access to approach God the Father, laying all your burdens and anxieties at His feet.

I think the most bold and confident thing we can do is ask God for help.

His Grace Changes Everything

Life is still hard. The world is still heavy. But I am not trying to muster my own strength. I can feel His strength rising up within me, and the burdens don't feel as heavy anymore. I am learning to rest and rely on His.

It’s so comforting to know that He does all the doing. It’s not up to our natural gifts or physical strength. Our job is simply to surrender and trust.

Paul’s prayer is my prayer for you: that you would be strengthened with His power in your inner being, that you would be rooted in His love, and that you would be filled with all the fullness of God.

Because He "is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us" (Eph. 3:20).

With love, grace, and peace,

Jessica Grace Pegram

How Grace Gives Us a New Identity

Here are my takeaways from D-group Ephesians bible study this week and how God’s word continues to reveal our new identity in Him!! 

You are LOVED back to LIFE!!!

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

About seven years ago, my 66-year-old young, vibrant, and joyful Father got sick. No big deal, he’s super healthy and will feel better soon, I thought. But when we got the call that he couldn’t get out of his bed and needed to be taken to the hospital, I knew in the depths of my soul something was very wrong. It was soon confirmed by the doctors that he was in the final stages of liver cancer brought on by Hepatitis C. That was June 19, 2018. And on July 5, 2018, He went home to be with Jesus. It was too late to save him; the cancer had grown so fast, and they gave us the worst possible prognosis: terminal.

But something else happened when he died. The old me died too. While my Dad’s story on earth came to an end, God had planned to use His death to bring me back to life. His death broke me in a way that was irreparable, but that was actually a good thing. I couldn’t get by in my own strength anymore. I couldn’t stuff my feelings and a lifetime of wounds anymore. I could no longer handle the grief, combined with postpartum anxiety, intense work stress from a new promotion, a Gonzaga University leadership program, and being the sole executor of my Dad’s estate. If I was going to survive, then I needed something more.

Although I’d been a “Christian” for over 10 years and believed in Jesus, I wasn’t really following Him. I was living a double life. I was straddling the fence. I wasn’t all in. But now I had to make a choice—was I going to be all in or not?

I believe He used my utter brokenness and despair to push me headfirst into the deep end of His love. And over the last seven years, Jesus’ love has invaded my life. It’s been the medicine God used to give me a 100% cure rate and take me from death to life. It drove out the infections and darkness of anxiety, depression, drunkenness, fake masks of perfect people-pleasing performance, and so much more. This "love medicine" also began to grow new things in my life: love, joy, peace, grace, humility, freedom, rest, identity, purpose, and so much more.

You don’t have to receive a terminal notice from the doctor to die. I was spiritually dead, but by the grace and healing power of Jesus' love, I am now more alive than I’ve ever been! And I will never stop singing Jesus' praises and telling everyone what I know!

Jesus and His powerful love and grace are always the cure for any problem in this life. We were all born spiritually dead and separated from God, but He sent His Son to rescue us, to bring us back to life, and to seat us in the heavenly realms with Jesus—our place in Heaven is secured by Him.

Saved by Grace, FOR a Good Purpose

Saved by Grace =

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭8‬-‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Saved FOR a Good Purpose =

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Our Who comes before our Do.

Notice that you are not saved by your works, but saved by grace for a good purpose. Remember our formula: Believe = Saved > Obey.

Now that we’re set free from saving ourselves through performance, we can rejoice and be thankful we don’t have to save ourselves. Gratitude is now the fuel and motivation behind doing what God has called us to do. It’s serving from the overflow He has produced, and it’s so much more powerful than working from insecurity trying to earn love, acceptance, or approval. That never works and only leaves us more empty.

When I serve and act from overflow and fullness, somehow I get more full. But when I served from emptiness, I got more empty. You cannot serve from an empty cup.

The only way to fill your broken cup is to receive God's healing and filling power of grace, love, and acceptance. Running to the world will never fill your broken cup; it will only break you more (Jeremiah 2:13).

• Serving from Self-Saving Power + Emptiness = Broken by burnout and exhaustion.

• Serving from God's Grace Power + Fullness of God's Love = Fullness of joy and gratitude.

This grace doesn't just save us from something (burnout); it saves us for something: a new home and a new family.

You are a Citizen of Heaven & Member of God’s family 

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2‬:‭17‬-‭19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“This mystery is that the Gentiles are fellow heirs, members of the same body, and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We were all born spiritually dead and separated from God—alienated, strangers, having no hope and without God in the world (Ephesians 2:12). That is some BAD news!

But we have to know the Bad News to fully understand the greatness of the GOOD News. Jesus has now made a way for everyone to be welcomed and invited to join God’s forever family as:

• A fellow citizen of Heaven: “enjoying an eternal freedom to remain, passports stamped with the King’s blood, entitled to all the benefits of the new-creation paradise.” - Richard Coekin

• A member of His family: “adopted as children and heirs of the Father, brothers and sisters of Jesus, to be loved, protected, disciplined and lavishly cared for by God forever.” - Richard Coekin

The access code to get in is: Jesus. His blood gives us an all-access pass of peace to the Heavenly Father. It’s always been about His peace > our performance.

“Deep inner peace is only found where there is spiritual dependence upon Christ crucified…It’s the positive harmony expressed within us by the spirit of the divine Prince of Peace.” - Richard Coekin

The foster system today has over 400,000 children without forever families, just waiting for parents to pick them and permanently adopt them. We all have something in common with these children. At one point in our lives, we were orphans too. By birth, we are all spiritual orphans.

But by God’s wonderful grace, He comes into the orphanage, looks at us with a warm and loving smile, and points to you across the room, saying to the workers, “I want to adopt her.” The workers come over to tell you that you were chosen! In the excitement, you pack up your few belongings and make your way to meet your new Father. Your life is about to change forever in the best kind of way.

But can you imagine being picked and, instead of accepting it, you refuse to go? You are scared, you don’t like change, you don’t know what this will mean. So you remain at the orphanage. One by one, all your friends leave. And daily, He returns to ask if you’d like to come home yet.

I did that for a very long time. I wanted to live life my way. I wanted to party and have fun. I wanted to spend money on things for myself. And the resulting separation from God led to anxiety, darkness, insecurity, depression, loneliness, addiction, heartbreak, and feeling lost and confused. Then one day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried out to God; I surrendered my life and my ways, as they weren’t working. I felt like I was falling deeper and deeper into a dark pit, but then I saw a flower blooming from the dark soil and coming into the Light. I wasn’t falling deeper; He came into the pit to rescue me and pull me into the light of His love, into His family!

You are loved back to life. You are Saved by Grace for a Good Purpose. You are a Citizen of Heaven, a Member of God’s Family.

We don’t have to chase the love, attention, or approval of others through perfect, people-pleasing performance.

We can rest in His grace, since we know who we really are now.

His grace changes everything!

With love, grace and peace,

Jessica Grace Pegram

This Is Who You Are: Blessed, Chosen, Redeemed, and Sealed!

It’s been a powerful first week of studying Ephesians in our D-group study.

His grace continues to redefine who we are. The more we get to know God, the more we discover who He created us to be. The world is always coming at us with who we ‘should’ be or telling us lies about who we really are. But thankfully, God has given us a weapon to fight these attacks: His Powerful Word—the Sword of The Spirit (Ephesians 6:17).

1. Blessed

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places,” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I hate to admit what I used to do. But here it goes. I used to obey God and do as many good works as I could to receivemore of His blessings. Ugh, I know, so gross. I misinterpreted many Old Testament passages, which led me to take the performance mindset I learned in the world and bring it into my faith walk. I set out on the performance path in search of "blessing treasures." I was a blessings treasure hunter, bound (literally) and determined to do whatever I could to secure more treasure. It was all up to me, after all, so I couldn't let up.

But guess what God just showed me. He has already given us every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.

EVERY spiritual blessing.

Every SPIRITUAL blessing.

And that’s where I had gotten it wrong. I was running and chasing after worldly treasures when He had already given me every spiritual treasure I would ever need. There is nothing wrong with worldly treasures, but ultimately they don’t satisfy like His eternal treasures.

My girls would love to eat sugar all day every day, but I know it won’t provide them the physical nourishment they need to grow and feel good. Our Heavenly Father is an even better parent. Often we don’t get the worldly treasures we think we WANT (which often wouldn't be good for us or satisfy us anyway), but that’s only because He knows the spiritual and eternal blessings we NEED that will actually satisfy and nourish our souls.

We don’t need to be a worldly treasure hunter. We just need to be an eternal grace receiver.

We don’t need to be trying so hard to grasp the things of this world. We just need to open our hands to receive the blessings He has already given us.

And Jesus is the biggest blessing and treasure of all. His powerful grace once again calls us to rest in His presence and get off the performance path.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭13‬:‭44‬ ‭ESV‬‬

2. Chosen Child of God

“even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭4‬-‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Election sets the soul on fire with enthusiastic delight in God.” - Charles Spurgeon

Chosen. Elected. Predestined.

God chose you before the foundation of the world. God chose YOU. He chose you to be adopted into His family! You don’t have to hustle for love, praise, and acceptance, because you already have His. And His love and acceptance is the only one that will satisfy your soul.

Chasing after the world’s love and acceptance will destroy your soul, but resting in His love and acceptance heals your soul.

God chose to adopt you completely based on His own decision; it has nothing to do with your ‘good deeds’ or behavior. Wow. That makes grace even more valuable to me, knowing it’s 100% based on His doing. I used to think, "Well, I did this or that, so that’s why God decided to choose me or bless me this way"—a reward for my good works. But no. That’s not true. He chose me before the foundation of the world, before I was born, before I could ever talk, before I could ever try to perform. The decision was made.

Knowing that I have zero to do with why God chose and adopted me as His daughter and blesses me with His love, grace, and every spiritual blessing is now incredible to me. I’m filled with abundant joy, gratitude, and praise for my amazing Heavenly Father. I can really, truly, and completely stop and rest.

“In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭11‬-‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

And not only are you chosen to be adopted, but now that you’re legally part of the family, you’re also in the Will and will get a glorious inheritance of eternal life with God. If you believe in Jesus, you’re in the Will that was sealed with His Blood, and it cannot be changed. It is finished. It is set—you are His daughter, and nothing will ever change that.

3. Redeemed

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭7‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

You are redeemed!

The enemy tried to steal you away and make you a slave to darkness, but for everyone he steals, God posts a ransom notice. Jesus saw that ransom notice, and He paid the highest price for you—the price of His blood—to release you from slavery and set you free!

In Exodus 12, God told the Israelites to take the blood of a lamb and put it on the two doorposts and the lintel of the house, and the blood would be a sign. When God saw it, He would pass over their house, and no plague or harm would fall on them as God came to strike the land of Egypt so that His people would be set free from slavery.

Now, we have the blood of Jesus that does the same thing for all who believe in Him. His blood covers, protects, and purchases you from the slavery of darkness and transfers you into His Kingdom of Light! You are free, and it’s time to walk out of the prison cell of shame and into His light!

“He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭1‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“We’re free to become the people we were created to be, made in the image of Christ. And although we often wander back into the filthiness of our cells to sin like slaves, the door to the cell has been permanently opened by Jesus, who patiently keeps walking us out into the light again.” - Richard Coekin, Ephesians for You

• Free from fear

• Free from guilt & shame

• Free from the pressures of performance

• Free from people-pleasing

• Free from the heavy armor of perfectionism

• Free from addiction

• Free from anxiety

FREE, FREE, FREE

• Free to receive His love that casts out all fear (1 John 4:18)

• Free to receive forgiveness and let His blood wash away all guilt & shame

• Free to just be

• Free to say no and rest

• Free to make mistakes, learn, and have fun like being a kid again

• Free to no longer need anything to satisfy us but Jesus

• Free to experience the simple joy and peace of His presence

• Free to fly!

• Free to finally be me!

4. Sealed

“In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

After Christ redeemed and purchased you by His blood, the Holy Spirit marked you with His seal—a stamp on your soul of permanent ownership. You belong to God.

The seal also marks His constant protection.

Permanent Ownership + Constant Protection = Safe, Secure, and Saved from Hell to Heaven

Wow, now we can rest secure and have great hope because our future in Heaven with Jesus is a guarantee.

It also says the Holy Spirit is a "guarantee" or a "deposit" of what’s to come. He is just the appetizer—a mouthwatering foretaste of what experiencing God’s presence in heaven will be like. Can you imagine what the wedding feast will be like and being in His personal presence?

My most favorite appetizer in the entire world is… wait for it….the bread basket.

I know, so silly! But I usually eat gluten-free bread (which is never the same), and so when we go out for a special dinner, I always splurge for the bread basket. Our favorite place has the most amazing sourdough roll and homemade butter, or this warm orange croissant roll that is just to die for. Bread makes my heart and soul happy (… and "bread to give them strength." Psalm 104:15).

And that’s what the Holy Spirit does. He is the one who serves us the “appetizer” of Jesus, who is the true Bread of Life (John 6:35). The Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His goodness now, satisfying us completely as a deposit of the full feast to come.

You are sealed and marked with the Holy Spirit. He has RSVP’d us to the biggest and best dinner party and future in paradise. We’re on the list, and we’re getting in! I can’t wait!

I hope and pray...

“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places,” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭1‬:‭17‬-‭20‬ ESV‬‬.

His grace changes everything!

With love, grace, and peace,

Jessica Grace Pegram